In the last decade, there has been an increase in African American & Black-identifying students attending higher education institutions (Bouchrika, 2022). Higher education represents a culmination of access to opportunities, advancement, and entrance into a higher social class (Hope et al., 2021).

However, when compared to Whites, Latinos, and Asian-American students, there are still disparities in academic performance and graduation rates among African American and Black-identifying students. The question then becomes, what are the experiences of African American & Black-identifying students at Predominantly White Institutions (PWIs) that may be contributing to disparities in indicators of academic achievement? A potential factor implicated in African American & Black-identifying students’ academic performance may be race-related stressors.

My educational journey has had its fair share of ups and downs. I would love to take you through my entire educational journey. However, we do not have the time, and the narrative would be long-winded; not to mention it is still ongoing. However, I will say that looking back on my journey, some of my racialized experiences in school would be enough to make anyone hate it. I often wonder, “Why am I still even considering prolonging my education?” I again remember that I love education despite my negative experiences with the institution. Education itself is amazing, learning is powerful and a privilege.

Racialization and education have been synonymous for me since 2010. “Why 2010” you may ask. Moving from suburban Virginia to rural New Hampshire was a complete culture shock. I went from being in a diverse school system to entering a sea of whiteness. My teachers could tell they were not sure how to address or engage with me when it came to subjects/topics such as political climate, racialized school incidents, and racial slurs. There would be awkward periods of silence, followed by glances in my direction as if to seek my approval prior to our continuation. I mean let’s be honest, I was a ten-year-old kid. I had just discovered he was black.

I couldn’t have taught anyone really anything, because not even I knew how to compartmentalize and express my lived experiences. So it just made things uncomfortable for all of us, which I guess by design was done to ensure that I was comfortable.

However, in my opinion, there is a level that one reaches where trying to make others comfortable becomes uncomfortable. For all the work done to ensure my integration into this new environment was seamless; it felt forced, fake, and very different. Respectfully, I was in the boonies, way out in the deep end and I credit my teachers for trying because lord knows they did.

It was just inescapable, I always felt a sense of alienation and tokenism amongst the faculty/staff and student body. As one of two black students at school people were mesmerized by my experiences and my racial-ethic identification. They made it seem as if being black was a choice, something that people wished they were because the culture, music, and use of the N-word were “wavy”.

Moving to New Hampshire, at the age of ten was the first time I was confronted with the fact that people saw me as black, rather than as Ezra. What a harsh and objectifying revelation at the age of ten. My relationships were affected because I was a resident black kid. The one who was supposed to justify what’s cool and expected to act in accordance with stereotypes. I had to be great at everything athletically.

Amongst my peers, I just felt pressure to be black, pressure to be everything my peers wanted me to be. It made me resentful in many ways, I didn’t like the fact that I was referred to as the “black kid” or “the only black kid in Andover”. It quite frankly through me off, especially when my mother, who was white was asked by a parent if my siblings and I were all adopted.

Like no way, the lack of awareness and intellect is laughable; but that laugh comes from a palace of being uncomfortable with the fact that people assume my own mother couldn’t have had me. I understand my mother is a ginger with freckles but, I mean honestly; we look similar.

The only difference between us is my dark features; aside from that I am my mother’s son. Heck, I even have ginger in my beard, so I know she’s my mom. But this made me well up with anger and frustration because I don’t like people addressing my mother with this kind of energy. If you have questions or comments you can address me, my mom I don’t play about so it wasn’t appreciated. 

Race-related stressors are transactions, between individuals or groups, within an environment that has emerged from dynamics of racism, specifically threatening the well-being of individuals within a community (Harrell, 2000, p. 45). Navigating PWIs as a student of color presents unique challenges (Smith et al., 2007).

Academically, in a classroom setting, the lack of representation among faculty and peers at PWIs has been shown to negatively affect African Americans’ self-esteem, academic performance, and sense of belongingness (Nadal et al., 2014). Another contributor to race-related stress may be negative interactions. Harrell (2000) suggests that African American & Black-identifying individuals are at an increased risk of negative interactions in school settings.

Previous literature on the topic of academic success has found that among African American and Latinx students there is a higher prevalence of lower academic achievements, increased rates of repeating a grade, heightened dropout rates, and lower educational aspirations/belongingness (U.S. Department of Education, 2018).

Though these are multidimensional and complex intersectionalities, the origin point is potentially negative interactions/socialization at school. One potential cause of the negative interactions may be resulting from negative stereotypes that often subjugate minority students to false narratives concerning an inability for high academic achievement.

Which has impaired me to conduct research and “meserach”. I am haunted by the white gaze, constantly questioned and monitored for weakness or inferiority. A recent example came during covid while I was in an African American studies course, go figure. My peers seemed to be surprised by the way I spoke, the level of detail I put into my responses seemed to be shocking.

Perhaps the shocking aspect had to do with the fact that I am an athlete or perhaps because I listened before I simply offered a response that didn’t advance the conversation. My body is tied to stereotypes, my physical appearance illuminates racism, it creates frenzied excitement, and all while I am expected to learn and grow in an institution that could care less about my success.

In many ways, my blackness, or lack thereof has created a cultural capital for me throughout my academic journey. 

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